Martina – 35
Hi, I read your forum and I would like to know your opinion about my situation. My partner and I have known each other for almost three years and we have a good sexual understanding. We experienced the tantra massage, which was a pleasant experience but I felt uncomfortable seeing my partner giving a lot of attention to the masseuse. Obviously I discussed it with him, and we no longer gave importance to the thing, but now he would like to experience the exchange experience in a club and frankly I am hesitant because it excites me but at the same time I am afraid of being jealous if he devotes attention to other people. How could I overcome this obstacle? Could it be that there is no more feeling on his part? I hope to receive an answer. Greetings, M.
Hi Martina, thank you for writing to us on our Forum, surely many people will be reflected in your situation. In a consolidated couple relationship, experimenting with new erotic fantasies can only help the couple always keep the fire of the passion that unites them alive, but often when these fantasies include other people you can create a state of jealousy, that is of insecurity it can create discomforts or even breakages within the couple itself. Seeing your partner give more “sexual and non-sexual” attention to another person, causes our figure to be put aside, in the background, and this failure to feel at the center of attention by our partner inevitably creates a sense of jealousy, and ideas between feelings and erotic play are confused. When a couple is consolidated all the decisions, even and especially those of a sexual nature must be taken together, every erotic game that one intends to do, must unite the couple more and not divide it, this happens when these decisions are taken unilaterally and the partner is dragged into things he wouldn’t want to do; in your specific case I advise you to talk openly with your partner about the discomfort you feel and that you would experience in a situation within a swinger club, and if you decide to try this new experience, to create rules to be respected for good of the couple; like for example the first time to go to a club and just watch, stay close together and once back home make love and fantasize about what you saw. A second time try the game of exhibitionism, that is, make love with your partner in front of other people, and a third time try to include other people in your games. All this must be a gradual path that increases your erotic fantasies, not creating breaks in the relationship; what you have to remember is that at the center of attention there is always you as a couple, like when you make love in private where you dedicate attention and pleasures, so it must also be in a different situation like in a local swinger; if you decide to do this and have relationships with other people, never make the mistake of not giving your best attention to your partner, while having a relationship with other people, always look in your eyes, always hold hands, always try to have a physical contact between you, pay more attention to yourself than to other people, consider the other couple as a sex toy, an erotic object for your pleasure, they will do the same with you. If you can both find the right harmony, this erotic fantasy can only strengthen your relationship, if on the contrary you behave like a selfish person in such a situation, giving priority to you and not to your partner, it will inevitably create an injury to the relationship.
Alessandro-Sex Academy