Federica – 34
Hello to the whole Forum, I am writing to ask you for advice; for about a year I live with my boyfriend, and after a few months of living together our relationship has changed, unfortunately in negative. At home there is always a tension, and it also fights for small things; I have tried many times to talk to him and explain to him that this cannot go on and that all our dreams are fading away, even sex has been reduced to a minimum, a few times and above all without that passion that tied us for years. I asked him to be honest with me, if there was another woman in his life, but he keeps repeating that there is nothing and that everything is fine for him. I would like to try a couple therapy, but I wouldn’t know where to start and how to get him to help us before the relationship ends badly. I hope to get advice on what to do. Thanks again.
Good morning to you Federica, cohabitation is a demanding choice in a couple, and if managed incorrectly it can also lead to the breakup of the same. When it is decided to form a new family unit, different from the one of origin, it is necessary to reset the model and lifestyle adopted up to that time; choosing to share one’s life with another person means accepting and adapting to one’s way of doing and seeing things, having lived a life span following habits, consider that that way of life is the most correct, not admitting to yourself that there may be other possibilities and different ways of dealing with things, all this means that in an unconscious way one’s habits are imposed on the partner, who obviously does not understand these new rules, but ansi considers them an attack and imposing oneself to change one’s habits. We must always remember that women and men have a different way of communicating and facing life, thinking of changing a person is the mistake that everyone makes, in this case we should be more sincere with ourselves, select the really important things for us and discard the superfluous ones, which very often represent a cause for dispute; the work of change must be within us, only in this way can our partner respect us and automatically approach him during this phase of change. Verbal and non-verbal communication is the element on which you must begin to work seriously; couple therapy as in your case will help you a lot, you will learn to translate the language from masculine to feminine and vice versa, and to become aware that the path you have chosen to undertake is made of sacrifices and renunciations of the past, but can turn into a path much more satisfying and full of joys.
Giulia -Sex Academy