Hello Giovanni, unfortunately there are not many suggestions to give you to help her in her problem, in a couple relationship, a fundamental thing is always dialogue and understanding, which obviously must be reciprocal, making new sexual experiences is fundamental within of a consolidated relationship, to improve and increase the affinities with one’s partner, this path of growth and discovery must always be undertaken together and in a conscious way; it is normal that a person can have more fantasies in experiencing new things and another less, dialogue remains the only way of confrontation between the two partners; the only thing we can advise you is to talk openly to your partner about her fantasies, to make her understand that what you would like to achieve is for the well-being of the couple and not only yours, you will see that if there is love and desire to go on and growing together, you will not encounter great difficulties in finding the right compromise to your every fantasy and desire.

Sara-Sex Academy

Hi Martina, thank you for writing to us on our Forum, surely many people will be reflected in your situation. In a consolidated couple relationship, experimenting with new erotic fantasies can only help the couple always keep the fire of the passion that unites them alive, but often when these fantasies include other people you can create a state of jealousy, that is of insecurity it can create discomforts or even breakages within the couple itself. Seeing your partner give more “sexual and non-sexual” attention to another person, causes our figure to be put aside, in the background, and this failure to feel at the center of attention by our partner inevitably creates a sense of jealousy, and ideas between feelings and erotic play are confused. When a couple is consolidated all the decisions, even and especially those of a sexual nature must be taken together, every erotic game that one intends to do, must unite the couple more and not divide it, this happens when these decisions are taken unilaterally and the partner is dragged into things he wouldn’t want to do; in your specific case I advise you to talk openly with your partner about the discomfort you feel and that you would experience in a situation within a swinger club, and if you decide to try this new experience, to create rules to be respected for good of the couple; like for example the first time to go to a club and just watch, stay close together and once back home make love and fantasize about what you saw. A second time try the game of exhibitionism, that is, make love with your partner in front of other people, and a third time try to include other people in your games. All this must be a gradual path that increases your erotic fantasies, not creating breaks in the relationship; what you have to remember is that at the center of attention there is always you as a couple, like when you make love in private where you dedicate attention and pleasures, so it must also be in a different situation like in a local swinger; if you decide to do this and have relationships with other people, never make the mistake of not giving your best attention to your partner, while having a relationship with other people, always look in your eyes, always hold hands, always try to have a physical contact between you, pay more attention to yourself than to other people, consider the other couple as a sex toy, an erotic object for your pleasure, they will do the same with you. If you can both find the right harmony, this erotic fantasy can only strengthen your relationship, if on the contrary you behave like a selfish person in such a situation, giving priority to you and not to your partner, it will inevitably create an injury to the relationship.

Alessandro-Sex Academy

Hello Roberto, what you wrote to us is not very different from what many people who come to do couple sex therapy tell us. After so many years of marriage it is normal to want to experiment new things in the sexual relationship, to sometimes rekindle the fire of passion, which almost always tends to fade with time. sexual understanding and complicity are the fundamental bases for being able to live one’s sex life in a free and satisfying way, unfortunately this does not always happen in a couple, many times a partner is more open to experimenting new things and the other not. The reasons are many and varied that vary from sex education that a person has received in life, to how he lived the sexual life until today, many people do not practice nudism because they do not consider their body pleasing, and therefore they feel ashamed to show it in nudity, and very often the mistake of imposing one’s sexual fantasies on one’s partner without really asking oneself what one might like and what not, and one ends up forcing intimate choices that certainly do not help the relationship. Undoubtedly every person, man or woman aspires to have a sex life as rewarding as possible, in order to grow together and share this journey, the only solution is sincere and constructive dialogue, starting from a common point and trying to build a sexual fantasy that is by mutual agreement. The changes in a couple, especially of a sexual nature, can strengthen the relationship if done in a common way, but can lead to a break when these choices are unique; very often they are afraid to change their habits, because the agreement between the partners is not so strong, and a wrong game could lead to a crisis, or simply choose not to experiment new things, because you have a sex life completely satisfied, that does not need changes. What I advise you is to talk openly with your wife, to find a common starting point, and to satisfy her fantasies; you will see that she too, rediscovering herself more as a woman, will have an interest in increasing her sex life.

Sara-Sex Academy

Hi Carlo, surely a couple’s massage can be a first approach, to understand if within the couple jealousies can arise, or if instead you can create fantasies to open your relationship to another person, I suggest you try a Tantra Kundalini couples massage, which will help you relax your mind and body, and open your heart to a new form of sexuality, and sexual energy; when you have full awareness of your body and your relationship with your partner, then you are able to live a truly fulfilling sexuality, where every fantasy, every game, can only elevate your sexual and sentimental relationship; only then will you understand and appreciate that even introducing a third person into your sexual fantasy will never create any problems between you, but rather strengthen your sexual understanding, as your level of sexual awareness will be much more high of your imagination, and will never be able to reach you and create jealousy or break between you. Always remember, that the two of you are at the center of everything, the stronger your relationship will be and the more fantasies you can discover over time, which will have the sole purpose of improving your life.
Alessandro-Sex Academy